Between Friends (1983) Eliziabeth Taylor and Carol Burnett both get divorced, drink, and become friends.

Theme Song: Violins and piano used in the most nondescript way possible.

Interesting Dated References: Lots of wood grain and gaudy wallpaper. Also, the careers of Elizabeth Taylor and Carol Burnett whom are lit in the softest ways possible. “Soft Lighting” is a term from the 80s and it means “Make this aging chick look at least somewhat attractive by drowning out all of her features.”

Best Line: “Beautiful muff” with regard to an actual muff. An actual muff that you put your hand in during the winter months.

Social Context: Menopause, divorce, affairs, fur coats, losing your looks, fine wine, classical music, gray pubic hair, meeting younger men, and 30 other things you will never have to give a shit about because you are probably a guy. Except for the gray pubic hair thing, that’s a very real issue for all of us.

Summary: When an actor or actress has a career peak, they get all high and mighty and always need to find that “perfect role.” As their career begins to fizzle, they inevitably decide to team up with another fading star for some type of misguided buddy-adventure. Van Damme and Rodman in Double Team, Campbell and Richards in Wild Things, Reeves and Swayze in Point Break and yes, Elizabeth Taylor and Carol Burnett in Between Friends.

This duo of alleged skill got together to make a movie your grandma would love (if she weren’t dead). Between Friends predated The Lifetime Movie Network, a channel which this movie must have been show on at least once.

Taylor goes way out of character and plays a stuffy, old, rich broad who is going through a divorce. She meets Burnett, who also goes way out of character by playing a boring, mannish, divorcee. The two form a boring friendship based on their individual feelings of a life wasted.

So these two hens sit by a fire and talk about divorce and menopause for what seems like 30 minutes. Then there’s a sex scene between Burnett and some doctor in his office.

Taylor is trying to sell her house which features a wood grain refrigerator and Burnett is her real estate agent.

The wood grain fridge is nice. After making love to the doctor some more and getting Taylor a retail job so she can “experience life,” Burnett really starts to whore it up with some other guys. Then there’s another sex scene.

There’s a ton of drinking in this movie. Taylor loses her job because of her drinking. Gray pubic hair? Who cares! After that Taylor has a party and gets wasted and makes a ridiculous spectacle about how unhappy she is with her life and her wealthy but chubby and bald lover. Taylor tries to commit suicide and Burnett spouts bad epithets about how life is precious and hitting rock bottom. The next day the two old bats have a falling out.

This is what wallpaper looked like in the early 80s. After another 30 minutes, Burnett decides to end the unfulfilling affairs she’s having and Taylor grovels unsuccessfully to get back together with her wealthy ex-boyfriend.

Then they sell her house and do some kind of fist pump/pinkie swear gang member handshake and the movie ends. I’m not sure what gang that is, but I never want to be a part of it.

Poster and Box Art: Soft pastel portraits, go figure. Since this was incapable of qualifying for theatrical release, it just gets that one Betamax box.

Availability: Used VHS on eBay.