Theme Song: “Slowdown I’ll Find You” by Susan Anton, who also stars in this film.
To call this song emotionally overwrought is an understatement. Anton, a model/actress/singer really belts it on this one. Good for her, but it’s a bit too melodramatic in the context of the film.
Interesting Dated References: Advertising/sports agents walking around with phones that are literally built into suitcases, inexplicably talking into them without even mentioning it to bystanders like, “Oh, I have a suitcase phone.” It was just common knowledge and people accepted that.
Social Context: If you look at the mid-to-late ‘70s, it’s apparent there was some type of pretty woman-filled industrial complex where agents recruited models for posters that were sold nationwide. If the poster was a hit, the model could achieve bigger deals, like acting gigs or recording contracts. It was a seriously bizarre situation, based solely upon whether a bunch of random, stoned guys wanted to hang your poster in their shitty garden apartment. Susan Anton, star of Goldengirl, was one such model.
Summary: Anton plays Goldine, a test-tube athlete raised from birth by her neo-Nazi adoptive father to be a peak physical athlete. This includes relentless, torturous training, psychological reinforcement, hormone injections, a staff of five adults manipulating the young woman, and reinforcing good behavior during mock press conferences via some type of wifi-controlled magic bullet vibrator.
It’s no wonder that miracle athlete Goldine is so psychosexually dysfunctional that she immediately falls into bed with sports advertising agent Jack Dryden (James Coburn, The Baltimore Bullet, Crossover/Mr. Patman), a man 20 years her senior. Coburn’s a stud, I get it. But considering he looked 70 even when he was 50, it’s a little disturbing when Anton’s Goldine throws herself at him.
So basically the entire movie focuses on Goldine as she prepares for a triple gold medal win at the 1980 Moscow olympics in the 100-, 200-, and 400-meter women’s races. We see struggles, little victories, and a whole lot of investors and trainers bickering about how to handle her. All of this is handled with the deft touch of a made-for-television movie from the ‘70s. It’s so cheesy and dramatic that any sincerity in Coburn or Anton’s performance is flushed down the toilet.
Then to pad the movie for another 40 minutes, Goldine comes down with diabetes and everyone acts like it’s the end of the fucking world, but it doesn’t matter because she’s tenacious and wins all three of the gold medals anyway, and luckily realizes she shouldn’t be sleeping with Coburn anymore.
Throughout all of this, various diatribes about athleticism, genetic engineering, and commercialization all intersect, but get muddled down with long spans of fucking boring shit.
Worth Mentioning:
– Directed by Joseph Sargent, (Nightmares, other shit)
– NBC heavily invested in this movie and planned to air it as part of the 1980 Summer Olympics on their network and possibly spin it off into a series, but that was before the 1980 boycott of said Olympics. It’s unclear if the theatrical release 1979 was always planned, or if that was an attempt to salvage their investment. NBC went ahead and showed a longer 4-hour cut of this movie sometime in 1980, but that cut appears to be unavailable. It definitely explains a lot of the choppiness of this 104-minute cut.
– Speaking of, this Magnetic Home Video release looks like absolute garbage. There’s even a point where you see a piece of tape go across the screen.
– Anton has continued to act in film and television and has released a couple albums, but Goldengirl remains her sole starring vehicle. She dated Dudley Moore and Sylvester Stallone, which means she probably has some super great stories. Her acting here is good, but the writing and plodding filmwork detract overall.
– As an editing gaffe, Coburn eats a perpetually shortening-and-elongating hot dog over the course of a 15-minute racing segment.
Poster and Box Art:
Much of the poster art and promotions focused on Anton as a pin-up, which didn’t lend a lot of credibility to the film.
This alternate U.S. poster has a great illustration treatment, but appears to be the exception.
The Betabox is pretty wholesome.
Much credit to the producers who took time to have this logo developed and used on clothing throughout the movie and promotional materials.
