Theme Song:
“Little Girl” by Marc Allen.
Interesting Dated References: A “half a million dollar” home being a gigantic castle mansion on like 20 acres; the inability to effectively mix audio and music tracks together.
Best Line: I was almost certain there would be some hilarious sex talk in this movie, but there wasn’t even a single line worth picking out.
Social Context: It’s a sexploitation movie, so, no.
Summary: Dude, I’m totally watching a super-mild soft-core 70s adult film! That’s awesome. I was just expecting some bad rape-revenge film, but it turns out Little Girl…Big Tease is actually an overlooked 70s sexploitation film right in line with movies like The Candy Snatchers. Somehow though, Little Girl…Big Tease fell through the cracks and has yet to be discovered.
A group of thugs decide they want to kidnap a “16-year-old society girl,” (that means a rich snobby broad in today’s terms), with the goal being to extort some money out of her parents and then “move to Brazil.” The to-be-kidnapped girl in question, Virginia, acts like she is 10 and insists on still swinging in the playground. While this is going on, the kidnappers sit and watch her. Apparently at one point it was socially acceptable to do this, as people are walking around all over the place while they stare at the girl on the swing. So then the criminals (Smart Guy, Smart Girl, and Meathead Guy) all discuss their plan. Meathead Guy leaves and that’s when this happens:
Smart Girl gives Smart Guy simulated oral sex. I know it was simulated because after she’s done his pants are still buttoned. Then Smart Guy proceeds to lick and lick Smart Girl’s feet. Although some find this erotic, it’s clearly not for everyone. Especially in a film like this.
Moving along, we see the young soon-to-be-kidnap-victim, Virginia, in a car with her boyfriend. Cars are where people had sex before the internet was around. After the boyfriend tries to cop a feel, she gets out and is enticed into a nice car Smart Guy is driving. This all happens right in front of the boyfriend, who doesn’t see the need to do anything. So back at the kidnap house, we get a shot of Smart Chick in the bathtub. Total full-on bush, too. Smart Guy and Virginia arrive.
Meathead Guy is awesome. He keeps smiling and laughing and “putting on records.” Oh and it turns out Smart Girl is actually Virginia’s home economics teacher. Eventually Virginia realizes she is being kidnapped and held for ransom. After she calms down Smart Girl proceeds to seduce her. They rub on each others cans for awhile over soft focus and violin music
The next day they call and demand money. While Smart Girl and Guy go to make some type of mob deal, Meathead Guy is left alone with Virginia. After she accuses him of being gay and tries to make out with him, as can be expected, he rapes her. Then they order pizza. Then Smart Girl and Guy come home and give Virginia a bath. After a big dinner blowout where Virginia accuses Meathead Guy of rape, Smart Girl consoles Virginia by having some type of lesbian sex with her while Smart Guy watches. During this scene, the violin music skips around a whole bunch, which indicates it has been edited to hell. That’s always interesting.
Next thing you know, Meathead Guy and Smart Girl are doing the money swap with Virginia’s father. They use a ringer in the form of a fake mannequin. The dad acts really shocked and the kidnappers escape with the mannequin. Meanwhile, Virginia tries to seduce Smart Guy.
Unfortunately, the director decided to dress her up in some type of parachute pant outfit that has a large hole in the butt and crotch. I’m not sure if this is some type of Amish garb, or what. All the while she talks about how she enjoyed being raped. Smart Guy is unable to resist and decides he’s the last in line for this gang bang.
They have simulated soft-core sex while some bad vocal track goes “whooooooooooooo ooooohhhhh ohhh oh oh ohh ahhhhhhhhhh oh oh aahhhhhhhhhhhhh whoooooooo” for ten minutes. Then Meathead Guy walks in and catches them. Later on, Smart Guy tries to hit on Smart Chick, but she slaps him. Right after this, the director is trying to blare what I assume is the theme song while dialogue is still going on. To counter this, as people talk, the editors just turn the music down really quick. Talk about confusing. Once they are sure they have the money, the girls play dress-up and the guys drink champagne while lying on a bed together. Then they try some type of well-dressed orgy/celebration with all parties involved, in which Virginia convinces Meathead Guy that they are going to get busted.
An argument ensues where Virginia begs to go with them. Then they get all “simulated-70s-orgy” with their gigantic pubic hair areas while Smart Chick reads a book, which is followed by some more simulated sex with the Smart Chick.
In the morning, everyone wakes up and sees the cops outside, but they are at the wrong house, so they try to escape. The kidnappers then drive off leaving Virginia tied up. The police realize which house was the right one and find Virginia. As her dad hugs her, she has a flashback of all the sex scenes. Weird. And then the movie ends with a freeze frame on her face.
Poster and Box Art: I don’t know. There’s this movie, and it’s about sex. So they put a chick on the poster. I think it’s the chick in the movie, but I’m not sure. This chick looks a little different. I’m so confused.
Availability: A few used VHS on Amazon.