Theme Song: None.
Interesting Dated References: An eagle named Dirk.
Best Line: Salesman-type talking about a cockfight — “What a drag, you know I couldn’t tell those dumb cocks apart?!” Man — “I don’t know about you chicks running around cockfights … take off your dress.”
Social Context: I guess something about how lust and adultery are the root of all evil and will lead to the downfall of civilization.
Summary: We’re jumping right into it here. Title screen and some nurses picking herbs, then one is raped and shot, and the other is bitten by a snake and gets really high. Welcome to Night of The Cobra Woman! The loose and absurd plot to this film concerns a blonde college student researching snake venom in the Philippines, her studly boyfriend, and the chick who was bit by the snake.
College student Joanna (played by Joy Bang of Cisco Pike fame), goes to visit the Cobra Woman (played by Marlene Clark of Switchblade Sisters fame) and is attacked by a hunchback maniac who then entertains children. Then she rubs herself on her bed and picks her boyfriend up at the hospital. Then they lay in bed naked and Joanna looks totally hot 70s style in her underwear. This is all going as fast as possible and I’m sure it’s because this was a no-budget Filipino B-movie.
Ok, so Stan Duff, the “studly” boyfriend gets bitten by a snake and is healed by the Cobra Lady. Now you have to take into account the guy playing Stan Duff looks and sounds like a young Lou Reed, except skinnier:
He’s certainly not the picture of masculinity. Somewhere in there I forgot to mention Stan Duff found a trained eagle on the street and named it Dirk. When Joanna, no longer looking hot in some baggy ass white jeans, goes to get her boyfriend, she steals some venom for her studies, then has Dirk kill Lana the Cobra Lady’s number one snake. In retaliation, Lana the Cobra Lady has sex with Stan Duff. Remember that Dio/Rainbow song “Snake Charmer”? That’s a terrible song. She then explains that making love to him cost him years off his life, and she must satisfy this urge over and over in order to stay alive, since her number one snake who gave her eternal beauty is dead now.
After Stan Duff finds out he’s aging, he tracks down the venom Joanna stole to prevent him from aging. It should be mentioned at this point the hunchback maniac was also the victim of the snake lady. I will also get shit if I don’t mention he was played by veteran B-movie favorite Vic Diaz. So the cobra lady goes out and fucks guys like this young man named Ramone:
As she does this, she peels her skin like a snake and stores it in her purse. That makes for a pretty good scene as these guys attempt to go to town on this scaly peeling mess. Then all of a sudden there’s a cockfighting scene. This movie is meeting all expectations and more.
As things progress, the Cobra Woman informs Stan Duff she needs a new man each time in order to stay alive, and keeps him alive, as well. He sorta starts pimping her out, but she turns into a snake. Stan Duff gets distraught and returns to Joanna, they have sex, then the snake shows up in their apartment. Then he gets distraught again, and has a vision of the Cobra Woman telling him how to live forever, which is by getting bit and keeping the snake with him his whole life. But as usual, the hunchback maniac barges in and fucks everything up. Stan Duff gives himself to the snakes, Joanna escapes, but eats a piece of poisoned mango on the way out. Oh, did I forget to mention the poisoned mango? Sorry.
Poster and Box Art The original poster for this (pictured above) is a classic. From colors to layout, the damn thing pulls you in to the theater. Inexplicably, this poster was scrapped for the tape version, and I wound up with this shitty cover that made me avoid the movie for like 2 weeks.
Availability: No. I didn’t even see used VHS on ebay.