Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976) Michigan-based, DIY, bikersploitation mess of a film lacking in excitement, but has a heart of gold.

Theme Song: Michael Nesmith of The Monkees is credited with music for the film, but no titles are given.

Opening Jam Session – This opening jam session is pretty standard biker-movie fare.

Riding Jam Session – Same here. Ramshackle jamming with guitar and drums.

Then this wild shit comes on and your brain freaks out.

Listen to this fucking musique concrete freak-out and tell me this shit isn’t awesome.

There’s also song credit for this:

“Lord Please Make Me Happy” by Dale Poston, as famously sampled by failed musician Stunt Rock on this terrible song.

Interesting Dated References: The collective idea that people who buy and drive motorcycles are somehow dangerous to the status quo instead of actually being listless brand-slaves with too much expendable income.

Best Line: In reference to people who drive a Volkswagen — “Probably some nerd in a Volkswagen with a brush cut.”

Social Context: Despite being filled with ham-fisted dialogue and wooden acting, Northville Cemetery Massacre has an untouchable level of charm and sincerity. The DIY-filmmaking aesthetic is palpable as directors Thomas Van Dyke and William Dear (Harry and The Hendersons, Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann, Elephant Parts) pump every ounce of effort into this rowdy pile of borderline-verité, bikersploitation mess.

Summary: Spirits MC (played by the real-life Scorpions MC Detroit) set up shop in a small town and proceed to cause trouble with local law enforcement and other squares.

Along the way they pick up Chris, a ‘Nam vet hippie who recently dropped out from society. During a raucous wedding ceremony, Chris and his local girlfriend Lynn run off to make love while a chicken watches and shits near them in an old barn made of reclaimed barn wood.

After the cops break up the wedding, Officer Putnam rapes Lynn and pins the act on the motorcycle gang. Lynn’s father decides he must have revenge, so he hires a local gun enthusiast/hunter, and along with Putnam, begins killing off the MC.

There’s a whole big shootout at their clubhouse, which, judging by 10 straight minutes of shattering glass sound effects, must have been made entirely out of glass. A few members are killed, which leads to the funeral procession to the Northville Cemetery.

Putnam and crew show up with a helicopter and proceed to shoot everyone. After they land to check out the casualties, Lynn suddenly arrives and tells her dad it was Putnam that did the raping. Putnam’s solution to this is to shoot the dad, which then gives Chris time to come back to life and point a gun at him.

Then, because it was the ‘70s and everyone was always trying to make a statement, the movie fades out with a stand-off.

Worth Mentioning:
– I don’t know what the budget was for this movie, but assuming it was low, they used the money well. Helicopters, shoot-outs, guns, motorcycles, records that have broken glass sound effects … they spared no expense.
– Nick Nolte does the voiceover for Chris who must have been too mumbly.

Poster and Box Art: The Paragon home video release uses the same art as the theatrical run, which features The Man prominently and tries to make the plot look a lot more scintillating than it was.

Availability: Remastered and released on DVD in 2006 with commentary from directors Dear and Dyke, as well as the Scorpions MC.